LightxL Goodbye My Lover
by Beware The Landshark
Summary: Light has everything set up to go his way- L is going to die, and he will finally be in charge. But can he really bring himself to kill the one he loves, even for the sake of a new world? Yaoi-Lemon! You have been warned. Further info inside.


**Beforenote; HERE ARE YOUR WARNINGS; Spoiler Alert, Heavy Yaoi, and Sad themes. This is my personal re-write of episode 25, "Silence". Thankyou for reading, and enjoy! **

_Finally._

Success. Kira had won. With L soon to be to be out of the way, everything would be easy from here forward. And after, he would get to take on the position as surrogate "L". The best part was, he'd worked it out in such a way that Rem would be the one writing the names. This would result in her death as well, which meant another Death Note in the human world that he could claim as his own. There was no possible_ way_ they could trace the evidence back to him now. Light smirked. No further work had to be done on his part; he simply had to sit back and watch the events unfold in front of him. Yes, all he had to do was come up with a convincing "distraught" act for the event of L's death.

And yet...

_Should I really do this? _Light asked himself. He gazed over at the pale, fixated detective. As always, his thoughtful, unblinking eyes were glued to a computer screen. His thumb was perched between his lips. He was sitting in his signature crouching fashion on his office chair, peering just over his knees. There was something very endearing to Light about the methodical, quirky way L did his detective work; something... cute, even? A sudden question made itself apparent in his mind. _Sure, I want to be rid of Ryuzaki, the detective... but can I deal with being rid of L, the person?_

That night, Light was sitting up in his bed, resting his back on the headboard and contemplating. One minute he'd thought he'd had it all figured out, and the next... this. The more he thought, the more confused he seemed to get. _I guess I'd sort of always known how I felt about Ryuzaki..._ he admitted to himself. He never felt like he was particularly gay, or particularly straight, or particularly attracted to anyone for that matter. "Love" never seemed relevant to his life. But now, this sudden onslaught of realization had him lusting after someone forbidden. It had him doubting himself, for the first time in so long. It seemed like everything he'd done as Kira might have been a mistake. A feeling of longing encompassed him. Longing for Ryuzaki; a longing to know every part of him, to taste every inch of him, to hold him close and not need to let him go.

Then, a different feeling set in. His head spun, his body ached, and he felt as though he had lost control over his own body. A cold sweat broke out on his skin, followed by a twisting, wrenching feeling in his stomach. He held his hands together tightly to keep them from quivering as his pulse sped up, his heartbeat reverberating in his ears. This was what Light had known to be 'fear', an emotion he had avoided at all costs since he was a boy. The same words never ceased their ringing through his mind: _Can I really go through with this?_

Completely engrossed in his thoughts, he jumped a little as the door opened, and L walked casually through, stretching his shoulders out before resuming his hunched position. Light's face flushed as he made an attempt to cover himself with the comforter on his bed- he'd sort of gotten sidetracked within his thoughts whilst getting dressed, and was wearing only a pair of thin, light grey boxer-briefs.

"Light-Kun?" L asked, squinting a little in the dim light. "Why are you still awake?"

"Oh, no reason," mumbled Light. "Just... Couldn't sleep."

Ryuzaki uttered a curious "Hm," before continuing into the bathroom. He emerged five minutes later, wearing a pair of blue plaid pajama bottoms and... _no shirt_? Light fought to keep his eyes to himself, fighting the urge to stare at the detective's slim, porcelain torso. The pants were too big and sagged a little below his waist, the extra fabric creating pools around his feet. Just looking at the half-naked man, Light could feel something stirring inside of him that he knew all too well... He rolled his eyes. _Great, just great, on top of everything else_... Light thought to himself as he felt his pants slightly tighten.

"It appears I left my shirt out here somewhere," Ryuzaki stated nonchalantly. After searching for a few seconds, he turned to ask Light if he'd seen it. But as he saw the worried and almost sick look on the face of the teenager, an unfamiliar feeling of genuine concern crept into his mind. He walked over to the bed and situated himself next to him.

"Something's troubling you, Light-Kun."

Light looked down, ashamed.

"No, nothing. It's just..." he trailed off, longing to sink into the floor and disappear.

"You know, you can tell me if you want to. I still consider you my friend, investigation or not," said Ryuzaki, surprising himself with the fact that there was meaning behind his words.

_Friend_. The sound of the word made Light feel like he was going to vomit. Never in his life had he felt shame more than he was feeling right now.

Light lifted his hand, and hesitated for a second. He took a deep breath, then reached over and intertwined L's slender, pale fingers with his own. He wasn't exactly sure what he was doing; but what could he lose? Fuck it. Might as well cease the opportunity while he could.

He felt Ryuzaki's hand tense, and then slowly relax, holding Light's own fingers tightly. That alone was enough for him in that moment; and he thought his heart was going to leap from his chest as Ryuzaki slowly made his way closer and closer to his face. His eyelashes graced Light's cheek. He became increasingly curious as to what would happen if he gave in to his aching need, if he just tested the waters...

L removed his hand from Lights, and used it to brush back a piece of Light's hair. He ran his fingers along the back of Light's neck, tickling him just enough to send chills shooting down his spine. Light leaned in and gently placed a kiss on L's lips, unable to resist any longer. Neither had ever felt something so loving, so intimate. They broke the kiss, and L instantaneously climbed on top of Light, not wasting a second. He straddled Light's muscular body with his knees. He leaned down to kiss the younger boy once more, and let his tongue slip into his mouth this time. Light felt as if all of the weight and frustration and sadness that had surrounded and crushed him was being lifted, if only for the moment.

They remained this way for several minutes. The two men, kissing passionately, stopping only to breathe and confirm with the other that it was okay to continue. After quite a while just enjoying the simple pleasure of each others mouths, L sighed in satisfaction, before looking quizically at Light. Confusion could be easily seen in the face of either person, accompanied by a look of happiness and lust.

Light buried his face in L's warm, bare chest. L pulled the covers up over both of them, and gently kissed the top of Lights head. He continued to sit with Light, holding him close. until he felt the younger boy's body relax, signaling that he was finally asleep. As he looked down at the rosy-cheeked face resting serenely on his chest, L could feel his heart jumping and fluttering excitedly. He snuggled himself impossibly closer to Light. Of all people, Light just _had _to be Kira. _And I just had to fall in love with someone who wants me dead..._ thought L to himself, shaking his head at the irony of the situation.

L gently laid Light down upon his pillows, and left the room to take a walk. _I need to sort this out,_ he thought. _My days are numbered..._

That night, raging nightmares, and passionate dreams plagued Light's mind. His thoughts flashed violently back and forth. First there were images of he and Ryuzaki, naked, pressed tightly against eachother. Tingles of heat rushed down Light's skin as he heard Ryuzaki moaning beneath him, begging. His fingers delicately ghosted over the pale skin, as pleasure rushed through his the feelings started to fade, as if Ryuzaki was falling away from him...

Those dreams were then replaced by vivid images of Ryuzaki, his face staring up into Light's. His dark eyes remained open; now blank and lifeless. His brittle body did not move, no words escaped his mouth, no thoughts stirred in his mind. Light begged and pleaded with Ryuzaki to speak, to live. He could feel sobs shaking him, and screams tearing at his lungs, but everything remained silent.

Light awoke with a start, breathing hard and sweating all over. He sat up, looked around, and realized he was still safely in bed, but L had left. It was just as if nothing had happened last night. _Did I dream that? _Wondered Light. _No, I couldn't have... I need to find Ryuzaki._ He stood and stretched, searching the room for clean clothes to wear.

As he finished pulling his arms through his white button-up shirt, he walked out of the door and checked in L's bed, even though it was unlikely that he would still be there. Opening the door, Light continued his search. Ryuzaki was nowhere in sight. He spotted Matsuda, who had been working through the entire night, (if what he does can be considered "work"). He was staring monotonously at a computer monitor, basically asleep.

"Matsuda," Light approached him. "Where is Ryuzaki?"

In his groggy state, Matsuda mumbled "I think he said something about going up to the... um... the roof? I think, that was it... I don't know, I'm not sure." He moved his eyes back over to the monitor.

Frustrated with the lack of a concrete answer, Light figured it was worth a try to check the roof. He walked up the large staircase and out the small door, and stared out into the rain. Water was pouring down in huge, torrential sheets from the sky. Faintly, he could see L's hunched figure, standing in the downpour, staring off to somewhere unknown.

"What are you_ doing, _standing out there by yourself?" Light called to L. L cupped a hand around his ear, signaling that he couldn't hear Light.

"WHAT ARE YOU _DOING_, STANDING OUT THERE BY YOURSELF?" Light yelled again, as L gestured in the same way he had before with a slight grin on his face, perhaps just playing a game to get Light to come out into the rain with him.

Light rolled his eyes and ventured out into the storm, making his way over to L through the water pouring from the sky. He lifted his arm above his head, hopelessly trying to shield himself from the onslaught of rain.

"What are you doing, Ryuzaki?" He asked again. L simply looked at him, eyes tired and listless. His hair lay limply on his face, and little ravines of water trickled down his nose and cheeks. The white t-shirt that loosely covered his body was nearly soaked through. L was not wearing shoes nor socks, despite the cold.

"Ah, I'm not doing anything in particular... I just needed to think, I suppose," replied Ryuzaki, seeming completely sidetracked. He paused, staring inquisitively at Light. "It's just... I hear the bells. They've been unusually loud today." he seemed to trail off, before coming back to attention. Light was absolutely confused. L looked directly up into up into his eyes, before averting them once more. "Light, we will be parting ways much sooner than I would like us to; and I have a feeling you know why." He said this casually while gazing at the sky, as if this was the kind of thing he said every day.

Light's heart jumped, like he was surprised, even though he wasn't in the least. It was just... hearing it out loud... and Ryuzaki _knew_?

"Ryuzaki, I- I'm so sorry. I didn't want this to happen. You have to believe me. I know that this is all my fault..." Light stared down in absolute humiliation. "I'm a monster," he said, just above a whisper.

"Light-Kun..." L began, "I've had undeniable feelings you for a long time. You can choose to believe that or not, but I mean it." His face remained stoic as it always had, and his eyes never left that point on the horizon. But his voice gave away that these words had meaning; these feelings were real.

Light put his hands on L's slouched shoulders, looking directly into his mysterious orbs of eyes. He brought his face daringly close to the detectives'.

"Ryuzaki," Light's voice rumbled, before he kissed L behind his ear and whispered, "L". He pulled slightly away and pressed the ir foreheads together. He took a long breath and paused before he uttered the words he never felt he could say for real, to anyone.

"I... love you."

L gasped a little. His eyes closed and everything tense about him seemed to relax. "I love you too, Light-Kun."

When L looked into Light's eyes, he saw something different than what he usually saw. There wasn't a trace of malice, not a hint of hunger for power. It was the face of a college student who was in too deep. The face of someone who hadn't known what he'd been getting himself into, and was now trapped in a corner, losing those he loved and just on the brink of insanity. Light was still so young, and alike many young people, he'd pushed himself too far and now just wanted to be cared for. He no longer had the energy or will to fight. L took Light into his arms, embracing him completely and holding him tight.

Light let himself be completely held. In a way, he was posessed by the man, relaxing for the short moment.

"Thank you for comforting me last night, as well," Light mumbled into the nape of L's neck. They held each other in the rain, both soaking wet, staying warm in the comfort of the other. Light began to nuzzle shyly at Ryuzaki's soft neck, kissing him and nibbling gently. L's head tipped backward and his eyelids fluttered closed as he enjoyed the tingling sensations dancing along his skin. Light pulled away after a few more seconds, and brushed some of the drenched strands of hair out of Ryuzaki's face.

"We should go inside and dry off," breathed Light, "We're soaked."

"Hm, I guess that would be a reasonable idea," replied L, looking down at his sopping wet body and clothes.

Light sat on the giant staircase, rubbing his hair vigorously with a towel. He shivered a little; all of his wet clothes were making him very cold. He removed his white overshirt and wrung it out. L emerged, shuffling slowly, with a towel sitting on top of his head. He walked down the stairs, and knelt next to Lights foot. Taking it in his hand, he gently dried and massaged it. Slowly, he traced his long fingers up L's leg, touching ever-so-lightly. He worked his way up Light's thighs, and began to rub tentatively at the crotch of his pants. Light let out little excited gasps and moans as the bulge in his pants continued to grow. Suddenly, L stopped, stood, and walked back up the staircase.

He held his hand out to Light. "Light-Kun, we ought to get you out of those wet clothes now," stated L matter-of-factly, "I'm sure the rest of the task force... won't mind if we're gone for a few minutes." His voice lowered into a seductive purr, telling Light just exactly how much he wanted him. It was time to throw caution to the wind. Their minutes together were ticking down.

Light eagerly took his hand and stood up, following all the way to their bedroom. They proceeded to climb into L's bed after peeling off their dripping clothes. L pulled the white comforter over both of them. Light wrapped his strong arms around the slimmer man. Both bodies were still a little damp from the rain. The teenager kissed the older, pale man deeply, and continued to move down his body with his mouth.

Placing many small, delicate kisses along L's chest, Light reached down towards his manhood. He stroked up and down; sending a million little shivers through L's body as he tightened with excitement. Light continued to play with the other man's growing erection, slowly edging closer with his mouth. A pair of bright hazel eyes looked eagerly to L for the O.K. to continue with his advances. L looked down and nodded, small beads of sweat forming on his hot skin from the arousal.

With the sign of approval, the younger man began to gently kiss all over L's thickening member, still stroking with his hands. He took the tip into his mouth and sucked it gently. Light ran his tongue over it, feeling L draw in a sharp gasp which quickly descended into soft, whispery moans. He took more into his mouth, little by little, making quiet sucking noises. L's back arched and twisted as he mumbled inaudible words, completely lost in the pleasure that Light's warm, wet mouth was bringing him. His breath grew deeper, shorter and heavier as Light sped up his pace, sucking harder and harder with each bob of his head. He extended a hand down and ran his hand through Light's hair, letting out a cry of pleasure. L gripped the sheets in his hands and let out a final, shuddering moan as he released into Light's mouth. Light dropped the appendage out of his mouth too soon, leaving a trail of cum from the corner of his mouth down to his neck.

He emerged from under the thick blanket, pressing himself even closer to L. The black-haired man licked the white, sticky substance off of Light's neck, savoring the taste of himself. He extended a hand and stroked Light's face lovingly. He kissed Light on the nose, then on the cheek. Moving down lower and finding the sensitive area of Light's neck, he sucked, eliciting breathy moans from Light's parted lips. Light held out three of his fingers; that was enough to tell L what was about to go down. L took the fingers in his mouth, coating them thoroughly with saliva before Light pulled them out and turned him over.

"Sorry, Ryuzaki," Whispered Light. "This might hurt a little."

Light slowly slid one finger into L's tight entrance, and then the second, scissoring his fingers inside him. And then finally, the third. L winced; it did feel rather uncomfortable, or at least, quite foreign. He grit his teeth. Seconds later he could feel wet, gentle kisses on his back from Light, who felt terrible about putting L through any extra pain. After a few more seconds, Light heard L mutter something under his breath.

"Light-Kun... please... I want you. _Now_..."

The last word trailed off into a moan; and it somehow meant more than 'at this moment'. It meant that this was the last chance. They may never get to feel eachother this way again. This was not a time for thinking about regrets or consequences. And L, being in love and practically on his death bed, wanted to live in this moment. Before it was too late.

Hearing this, Light placed his swollen length at L's entrance, and pushed it in gently. L winced once more, tensing hard. Light dragged one finger down L's pale back, and leaned to his ear. "L... Relax." Whispered Light. With this, L let out a small moan as his entire body loosened up, and pleasure crashed through his body in burning waves. Light took things slow, enjoying every second. He enjoyed how L's body reacted to different things he did. It was also a simple pleasure to be closer to L than he ever thought possible. He longed for him to stay so badly that it physically hurt.

L continued to twist and writhe under Light's body, moaning and whimpering. He felt extremely connected to Light at that moment, something he never wanted to change. More than anything, he was glad he got to feel this type of affection; Love, was it? Nothing could quite explain it. He just knew he'd never felt anything so in the moment- it was like nothing else mattered. Nothing else had to matter.

"Light..." moaned L helplessly as the younger man's erection grazed a bundle of nerves that sent pleasure he didn't know he had the capacity to feel through his body. Heat radiated off the two bodies, as rushes of thrill coursed through their veins. As Light continued to thrust, L bucked his hips, causing the younger man to go in deeper every time. Light's entire body hunched over L, and he let out moan sounding similar to a growl. As they continued to gain speed, L's body tightened, as he swelled and prepared to cum. Light reached around L's body, groping around for his tool. He stroked the length of it; causing a sudden, loud moan from L. He continued to fondle simultaneously with their rhythm.

"Ah... ah... AH!" Moaned L, upon finishing and releasing all over the bed as well as on Light's hand. Light continued to thrust for a few seconds longer before he threw his head back, moaned loudly, and spilled inside of L. They sat this way for a second; sweating, breathing hard, pressed against eachother, neither wanting to ruin the moment. Slowly, the teenager rolled off of the detective, who crawled onto the younger man's chest and lied down.

"L... I love you," whispered Light.

"I know. I love you too, Light-Kun." As much as both men tried to remain composed, their expressions showed the utmost of pain. Neither of them could restrain their feelings any longer. L could feel Light's heart pounding against his chest. Light could smell L's breath, like strawberries and sugar. He wrapped his arms around the detective and held him tight. He wanted to ask 'Why?', though he already knew the answer. It was his fault, after all. There was nobody left to place the blame on.

"Light-Kun," L said, moving up to rest his head on Light's shoulder. "Don't blame yourself."

Light gaped at the raven-haired man; it was like he could read minds!

"Please," L whispered. "I am just glad not to die with you as my enemy. I've always known my job was going to take my life some day, and I'm prepared for it. I've forgiven you. Please, forgive yourself."

Light fumbled for the words he wanted. But upon determining that being honest and saying 'I can't' would cause unnecessary disagreement, he decided it was better off to just listen. For L's sake.

"Okay," He gave in. "I'll try."

After a long pause, enjoying the weight of eachothers warm, lithe bodies, it was beginning to get late. "We should go back out," L said. "We wouldn't want any questions to do with our whereabouts from the task force..."

Both men stood up in search of clothes. They redressed themselves, not paying much attention to what they ended up putting on. Upon standing behind the door, they both felt somber, as if they were on their way to a funeral. Without sharing any words, L slid his arms around Lights waist. Light reciprocated; wrapping his arms completely around L. It was a silent, bittersweet sort of goodbye. They stayed this way for a few more seconds, before opening the door and walking back out into what felt like the "real world".

L resumed his crouching position on his chair and stared at the monitors. His face was a blank mask; as stoic and mysterious as ever. Matsuda, Mogi, Aizawa, Ide, and Light's father gathered around as L discussed his next scheme, struggling to keep his voice sounding regular. He planned to test the 13-day rule. Arguments broke out in all directions about whether the way they were executing this was just or injust. Everything was carrying on as normal. Light could say nothing. He feared that if he opened his mouth to speak, he would crumble and break down. Instead, he let his mind wander aimlessly, avoiding his real thoughts. _It was only a matter of time until... _Light snapped to attention as every monitor suddenly went blank. Watari's "W" was gone, and each screen only showed three words:

"All Data Deletion."

L's face drained of what little color it had. _This means... this means Watari is dead?_ A strong feeling of confusion and fear crept over all the members of the task force.

"Wait... Where is the Shinigami?" Aizawa said, clearly nervous.

L suddenly realized that everything he knew was about to come to an end. Prepared as he was, terror shook his entire body.

"Everyone," L said, "the Shiniga-"

He stopped mid-sentence, drawing breath in sharply. He felt his heart thump loudly once, and then struggle to beat again. His lungs burned as he fought to inhale. The intense pressure on his chest never ceased for a second. Without the ability to get enough air, he fell to the ground, unconscious. Light dove to catch him, breaking the fall. His eyes were wide with fright as he stared down at the fallen detective.

"But... I..." Gasped L.

His breath hitched in his throat, and a final shudder traveled through him. L's black eyes lost all traces of life. They just stared up at the face of his one-time lover, devoid of feeling. His body fell limp, and his breathing stopped. As if in slow motion, his pale eyelids closed over his eyes. L was dead.

"Ryuzaki?" Light said, dumbfounded. He held the limp, cold body.

"L! H-he's... dead!" The rest of the task force drew back in horror.

"What... How could this... How did this happen?" Soichiro was at a loss for words.

"The Shinigami," Aizawa breathed, gaping at the sight.

"We have to find it!" Shouted Matsuda as he and the rest of the task force ran to find Rem, not knowing that she was gone, somewhere in a room, disentegrating into dust.

Light remained; holding the silent body of his only love. His heart felt beyond broken and his hands gripped the body, losing control and shaking violently. He grit his teeth as the tears started to pour uncontrollably from his eyes. After the longest battle to be strong, he let go. He cried. Cried for all the people he'd killed. Cried for all the mistakes he'd made. And cried for the one he loved, who was gone forever.

As he stared down, he remembered every moment shared with the brilliant, genius of a man. He held the body close to him, deep sobs racking through his chest. Tears rolled down his cheeks, and fell onto L's silent face. He laid the body down on the ground gently. Memories flashed through his mind, reminding him over and over again of everything he had experienced with this amazing being. Rushes of feelings, everything from the shock he felt when the detective came right out and said "I am L", to the warm, lovely feeling of holding him in their bed, apart from the rest of the world.

"Goodbye, L Lawliet," whispered Light in a choked voice, wiping his eyes. He placed a kiss on the other's forehead softly, as if not to wake him from a sleep.

"I love you."

Light stood and walked up to the roof, completely numb. The rain was pouring heavier than before, splashing to the ground like small, wet bullets. He walked to the spot where he and L had previously been, and stood, letting himself become drenched once again. Light tipped his head back and stared into the sky as the droplets of water that rolled down his face mixed with the tears streaming from his eyes. Through the sound of the rain, he felt as if he could hear the bells L had spoke about earlier. They seemed to play back a familiar tune he had heard many times before:

_Did I disappoint you, or let you down?_

_Should I be feeling guilty, or let the judges frown? _

_Cause I saw the end, before we'd begun. _

_Yes I saw you were blind, and I knew I had won._

_So I took what's mine by eternal right; _

_Took your soul out into the night._

_It may be over, but it won't stop there._

_I am here for you, if you'd only care. _

_You touched my heart, you touched my soul,_

_You changed my life and all my goals. _

_Love is blind and that I knew when _

_My heart was blinded by you. _

_I've kissed your lips, I've held your head, _

_Shared your dreams and shared your bed. _

_I know you well, I know your smell. _

_I've been addicted to you. _

_Goodbye my lover, Goodbye my friend. _

_You have been the one, you have been the one for me._


End file.
